October 13, 2015
“As much as possible, try to get rid of what you are not, and you are unnecessarily wearing on yourself. Try to get rid of this. Happiness not outside, it is within us.”
–Guru Sharan Ananda, Enlighten Up!
Take Away What You Are Not
We all have a build up of clutter in our lives that is not really us. They may be the dreams and behaviors of our parents. They may be the dreams and hobbies of our friends. Keeping up with the Joneses is a powerful, and dangerous trap. What we think is our self becomes so overlaid with ideas, goals, and dreams that were put there by someone else, that we have trouble seeing through.
Take the time –a lot of time- to sit or walk, and look at particular habits, and desires. Try to discern where they came from. Do they really spur excitement and happiness in you, or are they just pain avoidance? That’s what a lot of “keeping up with the Joneses” is –pain avoidance. Sometimes it’s true, Bob has a new XYZ gadget that scratches his back at the same time as it trims his nose hair, and you being a hairy itchy guy find that extremely useful. However, by in large, it is more often that Bob bought a new car, and your 3 year old sedan, “Julieanna,” who you loved yesterday seems old and unsexy today.
Don’t let other people, not even me, (especially not me! I’m here to help, not create more clutter.) decide your dreams for you. Only you can identify what you need and want for your life. That is why one of the most important pieces of our Venture to Dream Creed is “If you aren’t passionate about your dream, it isn’t your dream. Find your dream.” However, for quite a long time most of us have let other peoples ideas steer us, and we find ourselves lost without at map, having taken too many turns to see the starting point. The journey backwards is taken step by step. Turn by turn. “Why do I do this?” “Why do I want this?”
I Dream of Clean Laundry
So, awkward story: When I have groups of people over, I clean the house. When I have individuals over I don’t (not constantly anyway.) Why? Because when I was growing up, whenever we had people over my father would have us clean the house. Cleaning is often way down on the to-do list, and I’m not necessarily the most obsessed with a spotless pad day to day. However, I do clean for get-togethers because ‘that’s what you do when you have people over.’
Don’t Throw the Baby Out with the Dirty Laundry
It is also important not to throw out positive habits we have developed just because we remember where we found them. While it is true that I may clean my house on cue like one of Pavlov’s dogs, it doesn’t mean I should refuse to clean, live in squalor, and invite my guests to step over the dirty laundry. My father instilled in me a proper amount of self-respect, and desire to invite my guests into a clean environment. Remember, life has always been a quest to learn how to be you. (Check out “Begin Living Your Dreams Without Starting Over” for more on this!)
Which Way is the Laundry Mat?
Quite the conundrum, so what are we to do? Assuming something like this, I see a few choices. 1) Don’t clean. 2) Take the positive habit I have, and upon seeing the source, cue, and short falling, decide proudly to keep a cleaner house for myself all the time, not just at the time of company. 3) Let the little things slide before people come over and only concern myself with the big points. I chose 2 and 3.
Take Control of What is Left
Take charge of yourself, and you will discover who you are a lot easier than you think. We all feel like something is missing from time to time. We all find it difficult to really know who we are, and what we want. However, the sad reality is that we spend very little time, just sitting and pondering on the matter. Take the time to sit or stroll, and, without any judgment or exterior motive, just think about what makes you, you. What do you believe in? What do you desire, and enjoy. You will find your dreams.
If you are still having trouble deciding where so start, commit to taking 10 minutes today (yes it has to be today or you won’t do it) to answer these:
- Why do you do the work you do?
- Why do you eat what you eat?
- Why do you wake up when you wake up?
- Why do you live where you live?
- Why do you spend time with the people you spend time with?
- Why do you date the person you date?
(Bonus points: for each answer, ask “Why?” again 2 or 3 times. This is how we really get to know ourselves. Plus, bonus points- Duh.)
When you are done, take a break, and later, try these on for size.
- What would you like to own that you don’t? Why do you want to have that? Why don’t you? What are you doing to get it?
- Where would you like to see? Why do you want to see that? Why don’t you? What are you doing to do it?
- What would you like to know how to do that you don’t? Why do you want to be able to do that? Why don’t you know? What are you doing to do it?
There are as many questions to ask yourself as there are minutes in the day. Start with these. Move to others. The truth is, it is not always about learning who you are. Sometimes it is about remembering who you are, and slowly peeling away who you are not.
-Michael Speck
Ms Wanderlust
October 13, 2015
This was great!!! Sometimes you get beat down by life or tragedy or routine that you FORGET who you are. Recently I had to admit that I am a shell of who I was. But I am excited about remembering who I am and this blog really gives some good direction.
Michael Speck
October 14, 2015
Thanks for the support. I’m happy to know you find it useful!