September 10, 2015
Short of the soap opera staple, “He has amnesia!!” we are the products of our lives. Second chances don’t exist. We leave our imprint of the world, and whether they lead to character, compassion, or imperfections, it leaves its scars on us. However, while starting over seems a near impossibility (it’s not), in most cases it is completely unnecessary. After all, we’ve been training our whole lives for this moment!
There has never been an instant you were not trying to learn how to be you. Oh sure you got it wrong sometimes. Let’s be honest -a lot of times. You modeled some people, and behaviors that didn’t fit. Some decisions you made didn’t pan out. Maybe you picked up a career, or lifestyle that now seems rooted in someone else’s Dreams, or at the least missing something important. However, life has always been a quest to learn how to be you.
What did you think you’ve doing? Trying out for Broadway’s “Cats?”
This is your story.
Discover How You Have Always Learned Who You Are
Nothing we create just happens. Every idea, change, and perspective has been a long time coming. Even for serendipity, and epiphanies, we fundamentally have to be in a place in our lives where we can except new ideas as they arise or they dissipate like smoke.
Yet, as a sense of ‘missing’ breathes in us we start to wonder whether we might be better off doing things differently. We contemplate, and as we do we become better at identifying the parts of our lives that don’t fit. We see once again the pieces that are not who we are. Even though the people we were learning from were well intentioned, their practices are not working. Even though we used the best information we had, we still made choices that no longer seems best. Even though we have worked so hard, for so long, for everything we have, something still seems out of place. Something is missing, and we start to panic.
Suddenly we are considering life altering changes. We decide to change our whole diet. We scrutinize relationships. We contemplate job, and career changes. We plan a way to move to Tibet.
We like to day dream about these life-altering changes. It’s like a big romantic gesture for our own lives. However, for the most part we don’t follow through. The diets normalize, the toxic friends remain, we go back to work on Monday, and the monks never know we existed.
That’s because this is how we have lived our whole lives! It is what we have training ourselves to do. We spend our lives learning how to make incremental changes to get where we want to be. Some of the changes are bigger than others, and every once in a long while we make a very large impactful change. However, mostly it is through a series of small calculated adjustments that we get what we want.
Imagine what life would be like if once a week we made a dramatic life-altering change. We moved to a new city, started a completely different diet, pick a new career, or dedicated ourselves to a new hobby. We would never accomplish anything. We would probably be alone and broke within a year, and I’m guessing left with an even bigger sense of emptiness.
We aren’t prepared to live that way. (Probably because it probably doesn’t work.) Either way, with speculation aside, we have spent our lives learning how to find, and be ourselves through trial and error. But in small doses. A little at a time. That is what we are good at. So when you find that you aren’t able to pull the trigger on Tibet, know that it isn’t because you are stuck, or afraid, or incapable. Know that it is because we are not experienced at living that way.
So Begin Here
So if that’s the case I guess we don’t need to do anything differently, right? Just keep living like we do, and we’ll get there eventually. Not exactly. Just because we may not need to make that drastic change, doesn’t mean we don’t need to make any changes. After all there are still going to be toxic friends that come along who unfortunately need distanced or fired. Most of our diets, and fitness habits still need improved upon. Most importantly perhaps is that piece that seems missing, our Dreams, which we must still run after.
So begin here:
Begin by always keeping your eyes on your Dreams -on the lifestyle, achievements, experiences, and possessions you want in your life. It is vital to keep in your sight and mind where its is you want to be, so as you make your second by second progression of adjustments and changes you are moving in the right direction. Looking at them fondly for an afternoon, and debating a dramatic life change is nice. However, it is much less effective than fixing them in your mind everyday.
Begin by practicing increasing the magnitude of your adjustment and decisions. You have been doing this a long time, but a daily 5k runner is not necessarily fit for a marathon. Don’t skip straight to the unfathomable. Begin by making decisions just a little more impactful than you are used to. A good sign that you are on the right track is that they seem a little uncomfortable. Impossible doesn’t exist, but we need to train to relearn that. Challenge the amount of responsibility you take upon yourself, and your mind will adjust what feels normal.
Begin by getting to know yourself. You can’t know, or realize your Dreams if you don’t know yourself. We spend our whole lives learning how to be ourselves, but we rarely step back to take the time to look at ourselves. Try to account for the reasons for your actions. Take responsibility for them, but learn what ideas may have brought you here. As much as you try to find who you are, practice remembering who you are. As much as you add to what you are, practice taking away what you are not.
Begin by beginning. It is not necessary to start over in order to pick up the baton, pick up the pace, and begin again. There are no second chances, mulligans, or extra lives. Everything has brought you here, and it will take you much further. Keep working. Keep striving. Keep Dreaming.
Venture to Dream my friends.
-Michael Speck
If this brightened your day, please share it with someone else you know it will help.
Charlotte
September 13, 2015
Thank you for sharing. This is beautifully written. Yes – I find it so hard sometimes to take action because I skip straight to a big, overwhelming goal. I love your line. ‘Begin by making decisions just a little more impactful than you are used to’. This somehow seems more achievable but no less exciting. Charlotte.
Michael Speck
September 25, 2015
Hey Charlotte! News about Scott Dinsmore, kinda hit me and kept me away for awhile. I really appreciate your kind words. And looking back on this post, and your comments helps me remember, we just need to keep moving forward.
Ms Wanderlust
September 17, 2015
I was just in that spot….I need to do a new diet, make new friends, move, etc. While I do have some goals, I do get overwhelmed when I see the enormity of what I want to do. You really helped me to break things down. And to just be ME. Excellent blog!!! Thank you for posting.
Michael Speck
September 25, 2015
Thanks Ms Wanderlust! I’m glad you liked it. The other thing I always am repeating back to myself when overwhelmed by the enormity of a new challenge, is that I don’t need to know every last little thing before hand. I just need to start, and start learning. Telling yourself you want to “learn” something vs. “do” something can be of great value. It takes a bit of the pressure off, and reminds you that every new adventure is a learning process!