February 11, 2016
Outside, I watch the water lap up onto the sheets of ice. It’s below freezing outside, but not by much. And the winter sun is bright in a light blue sky. Cracks are appearing in the ice, dark streaks of water cutting across the snowy surface.
Today the ice will melt down slightly. Tonight it will freeze again.
And so it is, and has been throughout this temperate Midwest winter. Freezing, and thawing. Thawing to refreeze.
It’s not all that different from us. We loose weight, just to gain it. We spend time producing, to consume time spending. We fill our minds with knowledge, that seems to suggest we should simplify. We buy. We sell. We make. We throw out. And all the while the warm winter sun rises, and falls, day after day.
Then, we become restless. Anxious.
We put a great day of importance in always moving forward. We feel excited by progress -enchanted by success- but frustrated in set-backs -devastated by failure.
We rise with every breath, and fall with every exhalation. And forget that both keep us alive.
We see only actions and outcomes, instead of consequences and constitution.
Actions and Outcomes
Actions are the choices we make, and the things we do. Being good people, we complete most actions with good intentions. We want positive outcomes. We want to move “forward.” We want to gain something.
However our actions still fail on occasion for a variety of reasons.
Sometimes they fall short. They were good. Just not good enough. Sometimes they fall victim to the fog. We tried to make a good choice, but since it is impossible to have perfect information, they produced an outcome less savory than we had hoped. Then, sometimes they are misdirected. The situation got the better of us, and we made the good decision to enjoy a donuts, instead of the good decision to eat some nutrition.
These all then may lead to negative, or neutral outcomes.
Outcomes are the results of our actions… as well as a million factors outside our control.
Falling Short
Action: I worked on an article, but didn’t finish in time to post before other commitments.
Outcome: The article isn’t posted that week.
Imperfect Information
Action: You worked on a project for a client/manager/customer. However, their expectations were different than you understood.
Outcome: The client/manager/customer is unsatisfied.
Misdirection
Action: You ate five donuts. (Why man!?)
Outcome: You gained a pound.
Outcomes are human created markers for progress or lack thereof. You may have created it, or it may have been created for you. However, it was most defiantly created. It’s important to recognize these markers, and what they mean. They are not the same as consequences, which we discuss momentarily. However, we often regard them with the same severity of importance.
Outcomes are simply a midpoint. They are concretely what happened as a result of our action. They are benign. They can’t hurt you! They are a missed deadline, an unsatisfied partner, or gained weight. They themselves don’t matter. What matter are consequences.
Consequences and Constitution
Consequences are the abstract result or shadow of our outcomes. They are difficult or impossible to measure directly, which is why we use outcomes. Consequences are what matter, because, well, they have consequences.
But isn’t this all just semantics?
No. To change, you have to change the way you see the world. In this case we have to change the way we think about outcomes and consequences, because not doing so causes us undue emotional strain and distress. I don’t need that. If you don’t either, lets look back at the examples.
Falling Short
Action: I worked on an article, but didn’t finish in time to post before other commitments.
Outcome: The article isn’t posted that week.
Consequence: My readers (you) become bored, and never come back to read another post.
OR: My article is finished, posted the following week and no one thinks twice.
Imperfect Information
Action: You worked on a project for a client/manager/customer. However, their expectations were different than you understood.
Outcome: The client/manager/customer is unsatisfied.
Consequence: You loose a client.
OR: The client accepts the work, and you know how to improve it for them the next time.
Misdirection
Action: You ate six donuts. (Where’d you get another donut from!?)
Outcome: You gained a pound.
Consequence: You feel a little bloated, maybe more lethargic that day.
OR: No discernible difference.
You notice how all the examples have more than one possible consequence? That’s because it is just as difficult to predict consequences from actions, as it is to predict outcomes from actions. The truth is it’s just our best guess, and we are often wrong.
In fact when we are worried or afraid, we are even more likely to predict the worse of possible consequences will come to be happen. Sometimes our negative emotions really get the best of us, and we concoct ridiculous “super-consequences” like the blog will fail, my career will be over, and every one will point and laugh until I drop dead, respectively.
The problem, and the reason this is not semantics, is that we often quickly attach these theoretical consequences and super-consequences to the outcomes before they ever happen… or don’t happen. We feel bad, discouraged, and defeated, before any negative consequences ever occur.
Instead we ought to recognize that negative or neutral outcome often happen, and don’t produce awful consequences for us. We need to see that this waxing, and waning, learning, and improving, is part of life. An outcome is a little less desired this time, and a little more the next. Today seven donuts (seriously, you need to stop,) and an extra pound, tomorrow a better breakfast.
This trial and error, improves our constitution, meaning ‘what makes us up.’ We become stronger. It is what produces the real progress we are striving for. However, recognizing that every negative, arbitrarily assigned outcome, is not necessarily negatively affecting your life, will save you a lot of stress, and discouragement.
Understand that this ebb and flow, makes you stronger. Refuse to see outcomes as something they are not.
When consequences go bad, step up, and respond to them. Take responsibility, and fix things when you can, or apologize when you can not. This too is about a strong constitution.
However, don’t project every fear incited theoretical consequence on every benign outcome.
Instead of walking out on ice too thin to hold you. Watch it freeze, and thaw, form, and crack, from the shore. Learn to study from the outside, what you feel from the inside.
Then Smile.
-Michael Speck