March 16, 2016
“On an important decision one rarely has 100% of the information needed for a good decision no matter how much one spends or how long one waits. And, if one waits too long, he has a different problem and has to start all over. This is the terrible dilemma of the hesitant decision maker.”
-Robert K. Greenleaf, Servant As Leader
“In the future, there will be better times to act, and there will be worse times; they don’t matter, act in the present.”
Decisions Suck
I really don’t like making decisions! I never have. And yet, I, like everyone else that is successful, or working on their dreams, have to make thousands of decisions every day.
Sure all decisions may not hold the same importance. What to eat for dinner is not as critical a choice as what color to paint the wall, which in turn is less important than which health insurance plan to go with. Never the less, all these decisions add up in time, and energy if we aren’t able to make them efficiently (aka quickly.)
Quickness isn’t enough though, obviously, because I want my decisions to be the “correct” decision. I want to make the right choice -the best choice!
Therefore, it’s really important to understand a few things about decision making that will take much of the mental stress out of the equation, and quicken the process.
(As a quick side note, delegation or outsourcing non-critical decisions to other responsible decision makers (family/friends, employees, ect) is a big part of freeing up your time, and energy. However, here I want to focus on personal decision making. Just remember also to delegate when possible.)
I’m Not Perfect, and Neither Are You
Sorry. I know I really let you down, with that face-slap right off the bat, but you either knew it already, or need to. I’m not modeling on a cat walk, and neither are you. Which is ok, because obviously those people aren’t perfect either. No one is perfect. Time we get past that.
So yes, I understand I’m not perfect, and I’m sure you do as well. However, when it comes to our decision making, we often act like we are, or our decisions should be. It’s not realistic, and this single point is where most of our mental anxiety over a choice comes from.
You will not make the perfect choice. Not always, maybe not ever, as their is rarely a perfect option!
So what are we to do?
Make the best choice, you can with the information you have. Try to avoid over-researching a choice to the point where nothing gets done. Likewise, when presented with similar choices avoid getting hung up on picking the vary best among essentially equal options.
Take this example, imagine I’m shopping for a new TV. I look in the electronic store, and TV A has just a bit better picture that TV B. I can see when they are side by side just a little better color. I think. Or is it the show that’s on them. I’m not sure. Never mind, it definitely is very slightly better. And a little more expensive. Which one do I pick?
Answer: It doesn’t matter! Either. Doesn’t matter. Because when I get it home, I’m not going to be able to say, “Yes this is definately slightly (or usually even significantly) better than the one in the store.” I won’t be thinking, hmm this is worse, should have paid more. Instead I’m going to enjoy my new TV, and think about the show.
Among like options, pick what’s in budget, what you like, and don’t make it into a big deal.
I have a very bad habit of wanting each choice to be the very best. You might too. It’s just that by the time we’re done, we’re exhausted, still unsure, and it took waaay too much time.
Understand that you may not always land the absolute best deal, the perfect product, or the optimal situation. Being able to act sooner, and with less stress, will make up for this.
You are not perfect. Your decisions won’t be either. Sometime you will miss out on the best option. Accept this. It’s ok.
When Overwhelmed by the Weight of a Decision, Check the Consequences
Big decisions can be overwhelming even after we understand that the outcome can’t be perfect. That’s because for these I’m not afraid of missing out. I’m afraid of something going horrible wrong. Tragically wrong. They’ll write books, about how bad it goes. I’ll probably end up homeless, and destitute, loved only by a blind dog named Scratchy! I can’t even imagine all the ways it will go wrong, but they’ll be bad!
When you get to feeling this way, stop a minute. Take a breath. Put the cookie down. And think: What is the WORST that can happen. Not will, can.
Now when you get to this point it might still seem pretty scary. Now think is this even remotely likely to happen? Can even those results be fixed with some effort?
You can’t be afraid of everything that is theoretically possible to happen.
That’s not to say throw caution to the wind, and never mitigate risk. However, have an adult conversation with yourself about the realistic consequences.
Now think: What are more reasonable negative consequences? Often they don’t seem so bad all the sudden. They seem manageable. They are.
These steps are important, because taking the fear out of a decision is very impacfull for making strong choices. First, we don’t want to avoid this best alternative, just because we’re afraid of it. However secondly, fear can cause a flood of emotions that make us think less clearly. It’s harder to accurately analyze the situation. That’s is why it’s important to stay calm, and possibly revisit the choice after a brief break if necessary.
Assume You Will Be Wrong Sometimes
Because you will. Accept that. Forgive yourself in advance. Apologize to others when you need to. It is ok.
However failure to make the decision you are responsible for is not. Not if you want to accomplish things that matter. Not if you want your life to be more organized and easier. Decisions (that suck) are a fact of life.
They are also what make us free. They are what make us unique. Truth be told, we wouldn’t want them all taken away if we could.
Since we were infants, we haven’t wanted all are decisions made for us. We need our autonomy, and our control. We like to make decisions for what we believe in, and for our values. We make decisions to create something special, and valuable.
Decision making is a good part of life.
We just don’t get it right every time.
Remember that it is ok you be wrong sometimes. Remember that often even making the second best choice relatively quickly, is better than the top choice eventually.
Save yourself most of the stress of decision making by not being overcritical of your choice, the outcome, or the risk. Take it down a notch. Relax.
Then choose what’s best for YOU.
-Michael Speck