January 17, 2014

What’s the difference between celibate monks, and aliens in fly saucers?

The monks probe themselves; the aliens want to probe you!

Finding your happy place

It is difficult to live a life, spending time doing what you like to do, if you do not really know yourself, or what you like to do. “Surely,” you say, “I know what I enjoy doing and what I don’t.” But do you? Learn to ask yourself deep probing questions. What makes your mind start firing off like a lightning storm over the Catatumbo Delta? What situations and environments make your energy spike so sharply that you can barely stand to continue walking around the neighborhood without breaking out into a jog. What is happening in your life, in your mind, that leads you to dance around the living room –you are home alone, of course- because you have so much energy pent up, needing release? What gets you so excited with anticipation that you would like nothing more than to vomit on the spot because you can barely stand to wait? These are questions to ask yourself.  So often people do not take the time to think about what they would enjoy doing this very moment, let alone make metal notes when enjoyable situations arise. However, it is important to reflect on our passions. It is very hard to custom engineer an enjoyable life, when you do not know what you find enjoyable.

Here are some questions to determine whether you find something enjoyable:

Am I doing this because I like to, or because I have to? (And do I really have to?)

Most people feel as if they just don’t have enough time. If you are doing something and the answer to this question is not one or the other, chances are you ought to give some serious thought into whether or not to continue spending your precious time on that particular activity.

How do I feel during this “enjoyable” activity?

We all have many things we “enjoy” doing that seem questionable at best. Do you really take pleasure in the activity or is it just better than doing those taxes you keep putting off? Is it something that engages your mind and/or senses, making you feel alive and more complete, or is it just something that distracts you from a problem or anxiety for a while? Sometimes it is good to relax –to take your mind off your troubles for a time. Sometimes your body hurts and your mind feels shot, and you just need some time to recharge. However, be aware of what you are doing and what your intentions are. Avoiding a pain is not the same as adding an enjoyment. If you are always only doing things to stifle some angst, it might be time for some life changes. Then again, all is not lost. It may just be that you have worn down into somewhat of a rut. Try spending more time doing things that engage and uplift you, and less time merely avoiding pain. If you are going to procrastinate your taxes, you might at well truly enjoy yourself in the alternative. You have my permission. However, if you are not going to enjoy yourself, suck it up and pay the piper.

How do I feel after this “enjoyable” activity?

Some activities we enjoy leave us feeling energized, and awake. Our minds fire with speed and cohesiveness, and we feel the world coming to us. For me walking does the trick, and, in fact, exercise has a huge effect on people’s moods and thought processes. Walking, especially if it is sunny out, just puts my thoughts and ideas in motions. Ideas that before just stagnated seem to flow out effortlessly. My thoughts begin to race in a creative but ordered fashion, and it leaves me with a feeling of satisfaction and energy. Sometimes though, activities that we enjoy leave us feeling worn out. Maybe its a day of shopping, or an evening with friends. And sometimes those pain-avoidance activities doing leave us feeling nearly as rested as we believed they would. It is important to understand how certain situations will make you feel both during and after so that you can reference back to them in the future. This is particularly important for the activities that lift you up. I know when I want to write or do something creative, if nothing is coming to mind, if I feel slow and groggy, I can take a walk. Nine times out of ten the ideas will start flowing and energy will come to me. I think, with some self-discovery you will find that living out activities that engage you, leaving you feeling strong, proud, and energized, can be a much stronger remedy for the hurt and weariness you feel than simple pain avoidance. Likewise understanding  that that you are going to have fun visiting Aunt Janene, but that it is also going to take a lot out of you, helps you plan activities accordingly.

I know that place was around here somewhere

Just because you find an experience enjoyable once does not always mean it is the exact thing you can revisit to enjoy whenever you want. It is important to understand what is actually the source of that feeling for you. I can walk every day, and every day I’m going to feel more energized and more creative and I did when I started. Some enjoyable activities we identify in life are like renewable resource, providing us the luxury of going back to them time after time after time. They are liberators, and they are anchors. Once you find them, you can use them effortlessly to set you in motion when you catch yourself standing still, and bring you back to yourself when you catch yourself drifting away.

Sometimes though, as we engage in an activity that picked us up before, over and over again, the effects start to lessen. I think what is important to look at in these situations is what the underlying thing that made you happy really was. For example, years ago I really enjoyed creating and wearing unique costumes for Halloween. Play-on-word based costumes were a personal favorite. (Yeah, nerd, got it.) However, despite the enjoyment I got from creating and wearing a unique costume out one year, it would not have been nearly as enjoyable the next year. Even small tweaks on the idea would not have resulted in the same pleasure. Why? Because it was the creativity and uniqueness that were so enjoyable to me. And maybe the laughter, and reactions from friends. This is the kind of experience you never use twice (or at least many times in succession). You use it once and move on to the next experience. However, while the same costume can never be re-worn, a new costume can. If you can understand yourself, and what it was about that experience that lit up your life, you can find a new experience with the same underlying elements.