August 13, 2015
Turning off your phone, and really experiencing the new places, and adventures of your vacation is the first step to feeling relaxed while you are away, as well as after you return. However, while I fully endorse cutting this line of communication for a while, I am absolutely NOT recommending you just disappear for a week without telling anyone.
Here are the top 5 ways to tell your family you won’t be reachable for a little while.
But first, here’s what you probably shouldn’t say:
- “Honey, I think I need some space.”
- “Mom, I just don’t want to talk to you while I’m on vacation!”
- “Babe, it’s my vacation, and you’ll just stress me out.”
- “Dad, no one dies in Mexico.”
Not good! The last thing we need is a fight, impromptu breakup, or your parents irrationally scared to death now of some impending doom.
However these are some things I 100% have told my family.
Set a New Standard for Worry
Mom- “But Michael I want you to check in so that I know you are OK.”
Me- “Mom, if I die they are going to get word back to you that an American died. If you don’t get that message assume that I’m OK.”
Set a new standard for worry, and teach those that will worry over you to expect things to be OK. Think of this like a regrets only RSVP. I will let everyone know if there is a big important problem, but not to say that everything is fine. I’m not going into inherently dangerous places which, if I don’t respond every 24 hours, I need them to send search, and rescue. My family knows to assume I’m ok.
Do they still worry a little? Probably. You would have to ask them. However, they seem to reconcile this with themselves just fine. We are all prone to worry over the people we can about. However, you can only do so much to reassure them. They will be ok.
After that remind them that there is very little about your travel situation that is inherently more risky than day-to-day live. I don’t check in to left them know I made it home from work everyday. Same goes for vacation. Expect them to expect everything to be fine unless told otherwise.
Absence Makes the Heart Grow Fonder
Girlfriend- “But I miss you when you’re gone. Please call me?”
Me- “ Awww, I’ll miss you too, but I’ll be back soon. Muah!”
Girlfriend- “Please!”
Me- “Awww… nope.”
Or at least I think it was something like that. It’s been a long time since that first conversation, and now it’s more or less understood. She seems to pick up the gist of what I’m doing while away from the wives of my friends/familywho refuse to follow my advice, and turn off their phones.
The important things to let the people who love us know are:
- This is not about getting away from them. This is about us being present in the experiences of another place, and letting our minds reset away from “home.” We are not trying to get away from particular people, only the stresses, and responsibilities of the events at home. It isn’t personal.
- We love them too. Just like this isn’t about getting away from them, it also doesn’t mean we don’t feel the same way. It takes a certain level of strength not to pick up the phone. I miss her too while I’m away. This is not an easy thing we do, we do it because it is important. Help your partner to understand you will be missing them in the same way, but sometimes that too is necessary.
- When they are with us on vacation we will do the same thing. Remind them of that you plan to do the same when you go away together. Let them day dream over the idea of being the center of your attention for a week. (If that’s not appealing to them, you might really need some ‘absence to make the heart grow fonder!)
Finally, never forget: Trust is what allows all this to work. Without trust the whole idea is worthless. This is especially not about “getting away with something.” Don’t be a jerk.
Manufacture Unavailability
Me-“I’m going out of the country so you won’t be able to reach my cell phone.”
Family- “Can’t you get an international plan, or use this great app through wifi?”
Me- “I could… but I’m not going to.”
When in doubt manufacture your unreachableness. Go out of the country. Go to the middle of nowhere where the cell service sucks. Create a situation where you can’t reasonably be asked to maintain constant contact.
Maybe instead my reply, go with more of a “well that would be expensive,” or “I’m not sure how to set that up. I’ll probably mess it up and then you’ll really be worried.”
Then use this as an example for next time. Remind them how nothing bad happened when you didn’t have your phone for a week.
Blame Me
Tell them it’s my fault. I’m the crazy person that gave you these scripts, might as well toss the blame my way. Tell them you saw this article that told you you’d be much more relaxed if you took my advice, and you want to give it a try. Say it’s and experiment, and if it doesn’t go well, then you won’t be doing that anymore. Which, again, is my advice to you. Just try this out, because every time I do this I feel so much better than every time I haven’t.
Tell them to email me their concerns. I’ll write them back, and tell them “Nobody dies in Mexico!” No, I’ll help alleviate their concerns for you. I don’t mind. Whatever helps you make this happen because…
Because This Is Important
Above all let them know you are doing this because it is important to you. Then tell them why. Explain to the people around you how much you love them, and how important it is to de-stress your mind in order to be there for them when you are back. Let them know how this can have real effects to improve your health, and happiness at home.
You will encounter resistance, but in the end I think you’ll be surprised by the results. The people you are worried about offending only want contact with you because they love you. When you explain the ‘why’s’ of what is important to you, and why you need this, they will want what is best for you.
Just don’t be surprised when they want the same.
And don’t you dare try to keep it from them!
-Michael Speck