January 6, 2016

I didn’t accomplish one important task yesterday. I tried. And I failed… hard.

• I tried to get up early to start writing. Then slept for another couple hours. Fail
• I tried to get my car in for yearly maintenance. “You need an appointment. I’m booked a week out.” Fail.
• I tried to write material for an article. Spent all afternoon writing in circles. Oh yeah, there’s words on the page, they just more or less resembled the crayoned alphabet practice of a kindergartner. Fail.

So in one last ditch attempt to feel useful, I worked for an hour after dinner on my project of recoloring grout in my foyer. Necessary to continue working on from time to time to be sure. However, important? Hardly.

FAILURE.

Let’s talk about a fact of life: Failure.

Failure, is one of those unpleasantries we try to avoid for some vague, felt, but not quite defined, reason. We don’t want to “fail,” and we definitely don’t want to be “failures.”

…But We All Fail

Being a failure is inevitable. Facts are facts folks. I’m not going to sugar coat this for you. We all suck at something. Lots of things. Like really, really, bad levels of sucking.

I for one try to learn to play the guitar 3 or 4 times a year. I never stick with it, never get good, and don’t particularly care. Oh sure, each time I start, I think about how fun it will be. I delight in my mind about the music. Everyone around me is impressed. The women in particular… uh hmm, [cough!]

Never happens though. Usually about the time the calluses actually come to my figure tips, I get bored and give up.

The good news is it doesn’t particularly matter. The real problem with being a failure comes down to feeling like a failure. Which is also nonsense. Albeit, more painful nonsense.

Why?

Because it is more or less the same emotion as feeling pessimistic, or sorry for yourself. And guess what, the best in the world are prone to those same emotions. Kurt Vonnegut said, “When I write, I feel like an armless, legless man with a crayon in his mouth.” (Good news for yesterday’s debacle!)

Most of us can’t get through the year without deciding the world is about to end, at least once. Let alone, making good on every last goal we have. But you know what? Each time we come to our senses, climb out from underneath the blanket fort, and unbubble-wrap the kids.

The Difference between Failure and Consequences

We have been brought up with a lot of high expectations of us, and for ourselves. This in turn has led to your ability to accomplish some pretty amazing feats. However, when we fall short, miss our marks, or fail our goals, it’s important to remember there is a difference between failure, and consequences.

Whenever we become more emotionally invested in success vs failure, than we are in outcomes, we run the risk of unnecessary, unproductive, negativity and stress.

Outcomes are what matter to the world.

Did you forget to water the plants? Yeah? Then you failed.

Did they die yet? No? Then, water them, and move on with life. (If they did die, same advice applies, minus the watering.)

Decide to treat really big projects, and important goals like watering the plants. Outcomes are what matter. Do not unnecessarily let some abstract failure distract you from the big picture.

Our actions have consequences, and through either corrective action, or acceptance, we have to deal with those consequences. Facts are facts. However, don’t add to your stress by imagining those consequences to be worse than they are.

Actions and Practice

From now on, when you find yourself feeling emotions of failure, ask yourself these three questions:

• “What are the consequences of my failure?”
• “Am I imagining the consequences to be worse then they actually are?”
• “What actions can I take to rectify this situation, or prevent it in the future?”

Reread those slowly, and remember them.

Failure is a important part of life. Yes, it is a stressful, turbulent emotion. However, it should not be soul crushing, or excessively long lasting. Practice learning to keep it in check, and then, practice letting it go.

Conclusion

There were zero real consequences to my inactivity yesterday. No deadlines were missed. No one died. I put a plan in place before bed to complete the one important action I had to do, this morning. (Writing a post to share with you!)

I got up today within 10 minutes of my alarm sounding. I ate my eggs, sipped my coffee, and started writing. Again.

And here you are.

-Michael Speck