December 27, 2013

It seems, when it comes to this time of year there are two kinds of people. Those who make New Year’s resolutions, and those who do not. Some people think that it is a great time to look back on the year, identify the parts of their lives that they can do better, and set their minds and wills toward the purpose of achieving those improvements. The others, as I must confess I have mostly been on the side of, often look around every Mid-January at all failed attempts of others, deciding that either it is a waste of time or an awful time to be trying to make these changes. In any case, while it seems there are two kinds of people, there is only one result: nothing changes.

To their credit, the Resolution-makers have an unyielding resilience as year after year they set their minds to the task. “This is the year I really do it!” The things they resolve to do are abundant. There is quitting smoking, quitting fast food, no more soda, no more coffee, and no more chilli-dogs. They plan to spend more time with family, work less, work more, work harder, and work out. They won’t take life for granted anymore, won’t curse, won’t take their little sister’s toys, and won’t take the last piece of cake. They will be a better husband, will be more compassionate, will donate more to charity, and will, for once, keep this year’s resolutions! However, all these resolutions have a core flaw in common that is the reason they so often fail.

Resolutions-makers feel this flaw too. That is why they take a big breath and summon up all the will power they can muster before January 1st. They read strategies, find support, and set out a plan. I actually do agree with all of this hard work! However, it does not take away the root difficulty of all these resolutions. That is, each one is a plan to do something that the person wants to do, usually because they know they should, but that deep down, whether it is old habits or not actually wanting to change, there is something inside of them that does not want to live according to this resolution. That is why resolutions are hard. If not for the flaw, they would not be a resolutions, they would be something that persons already does.

However, there is one more option- one more type of person to be. If you would like to use this time of year to make a change for the improvement of your own happiness AND you would like to succeed in your goal, there is a way. Cheat. Yeah, I said it! Because you know what? Life is too hard without making it harder all the time, and so, while there is obviously a place for improving your health, happiness, and relationships, I will leave that discussion, today, to others, and say: this year, cheat! Don’t make a resolution that you will struggle through and probably fail, because you were set-up from the get-go. Plan a project that spurs everything inside of you to scream “Yes, lets do that!””

When I say cheat, I do not mean sneak a piece of cake when no one is looking and never tell a soul. I mean avoid the core flaw, that destines all these resolutions for failure, all together. Do not pick a goal that everyone has told you you should work on, but that you know you do not want to. Pick something that you desperately want to do (or wanted to once upon a time) but everyone told you it was nonsense. Maybe it was not even everyone else. Maybe you told yourself that. You, and your fear, told yourself that you could not, should not, do it. You can’t afford to. You don’t have time to. You will fail. Maybe someday you can, but not today. It’s bullshit. You know it and I know it, but we both do it. If you are going to capitalize on the momentum of New Years to make something happen, do not use it to bolster up a plan that you are admittedly set against. Use it to drive an idea that your whole being aches to realize. You make your own choices. Do not point the wind upstream to sail against the current. Point it downstream, and let it push you where you really want to go.

This year, do not resolve. Find your anti-resolution. If it takes a strong will, we are not interested in it, right now. Find something you actually want to do, but do not. If it is right, you can feel the easiness of it. It is something that excites you. Something you can look forward to. Something that puts a smile on your face. It maybe be frightening. The excitement may only be a vision behind a dense fog of fear and hesitation. Still, if it is something you really want, you know. It should not be a project that takes a lot of willpower or self-sacrifice in order to accomplish. However, using desire to overcome the fear of something we deeply want to do- that should always be welcome. It may not be easy,  and have difficulties of its own. However, it is far easier to overcome fear for something you really want, than to overcome yourself for something you are told you want. For you, that maybe to plan a vacation to walk the Pink Sands Beach of the Bahamas, or maybe to walk your neighborhood because you find it so pleasant, but never seem to do it. To provide you very many examples is impossible, because one persons anti-resolution is another persons resolution. What is to one person, something they deeply want, is to another person, something they only think they should want. Look inside and find your own anti-resolution. Find what you want.

There are not two choices this New Years- there are three! You can do nothing. You can make resolutions with the odds stacked against you. Or, you can look inside, find the projects that will really lead to your happiness, find courage instead of will power, and venture to make your goals successes!

This New Years, anti-resolve to Dream.

-Michael Speck