May 21, 2015

A couple weeks ago I told you why your dreams matter deeply to the people around you. Now I want to tell you how to rally people around you to achieve your dreams. Basically, how to make yourself Too-Big-to-Fail.

We all know in the years leading up to 2008 the financial system made some, we’ll call them “boo-boos.” …Some pretty big… “boo-boos.” And yet, in the aftermath that followed the United States government made the decision to step in to rescue several companies from going into bankruptcy because they were deemed to be “Too-Big-to-Fail.” That is, if they were allowed to go under, it would cause an unacceptable level of disruption to individual lives, and our economy as a whole.

Now I want to stay as far away from the politics, and economics of this decision as possible, because it is completely beyond our point. Here, all we need to remember is these entities were not allowed to fail because they were believed to support too much of our world.

Who’s World are You Supporting?

Truth be told, you are probably already supporting a lot more than you think.

We all have our own importance in this world. We matter to our families. What we do has an impact on our friends. We affect the lives of our co-workers, and we alter the lives of our customers, clients, patients, and partners. These connections, and their effects spread throughout our communities, and our ever increasingly connected world.

The actions we take matter greatly to the people around us. We hold a place in their heart, a space in theirs lives. They devote time, and resources to us, because they think we are worth it.

You may believe that you support the lives of a select few people- your kids, your spouse, perhaps an aging parent, or someone on hard times. However, in reality, we all, in varying degrees, support the lives, actions, and outcomes of a large number of others around us.

Fig Newtons, and Laws of Physics

Isaac Newton’s 3rd Law of Motion is that for every action, there exists an equal, and opposite reaction. As we extend our reach, making more meaningful connections with the people around us, it turns out that they support us back. From friends remembering each others birthdays, to your grandmother making you cookies, the people we connect with want to give us something back.

It’s not because they feel they owe us something. It’s just the way humans tend to behave. We want to support the people working to support us. We want to see success for people that we believe are attempting great endeavors. Our hearts believe in the people we see trying to make a difference in the world, and we try to offer our support as best we can.

How to Rally People Around You

One of the most impactful tools for supporting our dreams is supporting other people. Help the people around you with what they are working on. Help them be successful in the ambitions they are going after. Help by problem solving for something that is wearing them down. Learn what they need help with and do that. Add value to their lives.

Then start growing your connections. Not networking. Think of it more like nethelping. Think of it as fun, because it is. Practice engaging in your community. Go online, and comment or participate in groups, forums, and on websites. Join organizations, clubs, church events, ect, and work toward improving something you believe in.

Now if you are sitting there, saying that doesn’t sound like fun. I don’t like meeting, or dealing with new people, consider two points. First, I’m not asking you to meet, and work with people who will judge you, or who you have nothing in common with. I’m inviting you find, and meet your people. To interact with the people that have similar goals, and ambitions. People who want to be happy in life, and show it. People who hold your values. Stop worrying about how much you hate trying to charm up an executive that has the power to make things happen for you. Forget that. Go find the person you can positively impact by doing something you enjoy or value.

Second. My friend. You have to put yourself out there. You have to let people in. Put fear in it’s place. The most miserable, and often “stuck” people, I encounter are not the ones who opened up, and received some criticism back. They are the people who have no one around them. This is a hard truth, and a difficult lesson for me. So we’ll work on learning together. You have to put yourself out there, and let people in. They, contrary to popular belief, are not going to bite you. (Except Henry. You know what? Just stay away from Henry.) Yeah, there’s risk. Not everyone is going to like everything you say, and do. Find the people that do like it.

Don’t sell yourself short either. Understand who relies on you, and why. Find out who you are benefiting, and then… give them more! This is your social niche, so to speak. It’s what you are good at. Are you the person everyone can rely on to get a project to completion? Are you the friend that patiently listens without judging? Do people enjoy listening to your stories, or asking you questions about their cars? You are so much to so many people. However, recognizing, and embracing these traits both increasingly benefits those around you, and also leaves a great level of satisfaction.

Which brings us around to the next thing to remember: This isn’t something you can fake. That is why I spend time talking about finding the people you connect with, and will enjoy helping. People see through people who are disingenuous. They don’t support people who they don’t believe in. You must be filling a need, or taking away a pain. We are not about duping people here, and we aren’t about taking advantage of them. Yes building these connections will benefit you. However, if you aren’t interested in doing this ethically, please leave. It is likely not going to work anyway. The foundations of all of this is helping another human being in a way that makes their life genuinely better. If you aren’t interested in that… seriously?

So when we do this the right way, getting out there, and honestly engaging with like minds, how does all this support our dreams? The thing about most big dreams we go after is we don’t really know what our aspirations are going to take to be successful. We don’t know what type of help we are going to need, or what we’ll need to know or learn. We don’t know what resources it will require, or how to manage so many of the surprises life has in store for us. However, when we earnestly support the lives of those around us, they will help us through the challenges. They will refuse to let you bow out when it gets overwhelming. They will champion your success!

Becoming Too-Big-to-Fail isn’t really about the size of what you are doing. It’s all about the people you impact. It’s how to rally people around you by helping them first. You already support pieces of so many lives around you. Support more; we won’t let you fail!

-Michael Speck

Start here! Tell me, what is your favorite online community to engage with?